I feel so YUCKY this morning. I am going to go see "Where The Wild Things Are" this afternoon with a friend. I am hitting the gym, then work, and then he's picking me up from work @ 230.
Yesterday, I didn't even go to 'my' Sunday Safeway- didn't want to. He was shocked. Instead, we went to the one downtown, by my apartment. I got more tomato's, bell peppers, green onions AND THE RETURN OF MY FAVORITE TUNA EVER!!!! For those of you who aren't aware, I ordered 20 CASES (24 tins per case) of Gold Seal's Smoked Light Tuna in Water a while back, and have been out for about 5 months now. I can't afford the $2.99/tin cost at this point, and I miss them so much. I've been using these for over 6 years- having 2 a day everyday. Also.... SOME NEW SALSA LOVING!!! El Molino Fresh Picante Salsa! I was in Salsa HEAVEN!!! Fresh salsa, how I've missed you! The 900mL size only had mild left, but I'm glad because it had BITE!!!!



This is yesterday's dinner salad:





In the mix: Mann's Broccolislaw, shiritaki noodles, 2 cans of wax beans (one green, one yellow), romaine (about 910grams worth), Goldseal smoked light tuna (love), green onion, vine tomato, red pepper, italian seasoning, s/p, cajun seasoning, WF Thick'n'spicy BBQ sauce, Wf creamy coleslaw dressing, and salsa. I also have 36 Nori Seaweed sheets.

I was so depressed about how much shit I ate at the sugar free place that I didn't even grab my pack of GG Bran Crackers. I already ate a pack @ work along with one too many Atkinson's Chick-o-stick, and peanut butter bars. I also had sugar free Peerless hard candies. Pina colada, green apple, honey dew, fruit punch and watermelon.

Have a lovely day!

Good Morning!

Sorry I haven't been writing much. I've been reading your posts, but so tired and headachey that I haven't had the impetus to write anything. Here is a picture of Tuesdays salad. IT was dark outside, and I only had a lamp with 2 burned out bulbs to work with and a cell phone camera! The salad was really good:




I am headed off to the gym, then work and then HOME to eat. Things have been a little hard re: my family. It's my baby sister's bday in a couple weeks (she'll be 17)- ANY ADVICE ON WHAT TO GET HER???? She is so amazing, kind, funny and doesn't want anything!!! The kid is amazing! Suggestions are so welcome! This is a picture I forgot to post (Oct 6 dinner salad):




Here is my LOVE and obsession:

DAVINCI SUGAR FREE SYRUPS or SUGAR FREE Pancake Syrup:



PLUS GG SCANDINAVIAN BRAN CRACKERS CRUMBLED INTO A GLASS BOWL



AND MICROWAVED WITH SWEETENER, AND PGX GRANULES UNTIL IT'S MUSHY AND CEREAL LIKE. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! TOASTED MARSHMALLOW AND PEANUTBUTTER SYRUP IS SOOOO GOOD!

ADD CINNAMON ON TOP!

I was so mad at myself last night that I took 2 gravol, and went to sleep. I just woke up now feeling exhausted and my stomach still hurts from last night. Then I decided I'd weigh myself (again). OMG. Up 8 lbs.

When I started this blog, I wanted to do what I normally do in my work with clients. I do not believe in the food guide whatsoever. I know my products, supplements etc inside out and often have trainers coming to me, football players (pro), cancer patients etc. And yet, with all this knowledge and passion for health, I let emotions derail me yet again. How I behave is all on me.

I DEFINE MYSELF

My Behaviour Is NOT MY Conditions, But My Decisions!

So hence the shame, regret, pain, hurt and more panic. I know better than to cope by numbing myself with food; however healthy the food may appear to be. It doesn't make much of a difference. Abusing something is abusing something. Everyone has their drug of choice.

I am currently sipping on the New SuperPumped 250 by Gaspari in their new flavor Raspberry Lemonade! It is GOOD!!! I actually poured the powder into a shaker full of Xenergy (Bluberry Pomagranate)!

Wish me luck @ the GYM!

Freezing Friday!

Morning!

It is F*#$ing FREEZING and snowing. I don't mean idyllic flakes slowly drifting to the ground, "snow flakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes', type of snow. No. I mean I am getting pellets shooting at me that are icy and coming down faster than rain.

It is days like this that I must ask myself: 'Where is this global warming we are all talking about'? Everyone is in winter jackets, mits, hats, scarves etc. If I had long johns, I would break them out.

After seeing my therapist and a psychiatrist ( he was nicer this time, and didn't TEXT ON HIS BLACKBERRY during our session) I wandered over to Kay's Food Market, and left with an over priced bottle of Real Lemon Juice, 2 jars of pickles, AND this platter/dip or soup/salad bowl. $10! Not needed, but I envisioned my Salsa and Seaweed or Veggies or Crackers and fell in love. Or Tuna, pasta and accouterments!

The mini bowl is attached to the big one. Glued on.


I have been really stressed and addicted to certain foods. My GG Scandinavian Crisp Bread. I still count them as 32kcal per, not 12. I understand the roll of fiber, but we do absorb some of it through our intestines where the bacteria break it down. Furthermore, 7g of Carbs= 28cal. 1g of protein is 4kcal= 32 calories. There us 4g of fat per 100g (I'm in contact with the company) because they do different packaging in the States/Canada than in Europe. So 0.4g of Fat per slice which is 3.6calories+32cal= 35.6calories. Anyways, I've always been able to stop eating after dinner, but now I eat 2-3 PACKS of crackers doused in SF syrup and microwaved until is all hot and cereal/creamo like. Then 30+ seaweed wrapped dipper in Salsa. This is AFTER dinner. And usually a head of romaine dipped in Salsa. No wonder I am GAINING WEIGHT!

Off to the gym.

Have a fantastic Friday.

UPDATE: Workout was good this morning, and I stayed calm through work. Ate my heart out from the second I got home. After dinner I ate the remaining 1/2 of my 1360GRAM 11 serving bulk bag of Coleslaw with salsa and blueberry jam on top, and 6 bran crackers. I also had a pre dinner snack which consisted on 1 cucumber, coleslaw (170g) apple spread, and crystal light with lemon juice on top. 33 big sheets of seaweed, tuna, 505g of romaine lettuce, 2 tomatoes, 1 red bell pepper, 460g of Coleslaw, 2 cans of yellow wax cut beans, and a pack of 231g shirataki noodles. Obviously I'm dealing with some stress, hurt.... major pain and issues. Here is a picture of the coleslaw cucumber crystal light concoction pre dinner:

Random Food Pics of October

Hello! I keep taking pictures with my Cell, sending them to my email, then saving them to a file, but I forget to post them...

October 1

October 6th Salad/Stew

DESSERT HUMMUS!!

YOU GUYS HAVE TO CHECK THIS OUT:

http://site.desserthummus.com/Flavors.html

It occurred to me yesterday, whilst browsing yet another food store, that I spend 100% of my weekends hunting for food. Thank goodness my friend is so acquiescent! Today we are hitting up the Wholesale Superstore (huge ass salsa, 12pack of Fuze Shape Tropical, and Sunspun dried chili flakes because they are so cheap!). In Superstore I am getting more canned wax beans, tuna, SALSA, Romaine, Bamboo Shoots and maybe some Sprite Zero.

Yes, I did go to Superstore Friday, and Yesterday, and am going today. I like going. Sad, I know.

Walmart, to me, is like a tourist attraction that should charge admission. Especially the Ghetto one in the NE. Too much fun and mockage. Either way, they have my Jello snacks at the best price, so that merits the detour.

I am headed to the gym. I am OBSESSED with the fiber sprinkles, and only have 1 tub left. I have literally been binging on it. Case in point, Measured out 65g yesterday, doused it is sf pancake syrup, and Davinci's sf Syrups in Cookie Dough, Vanilla, B52, Macadamia Nut etc, added sweetener, cinnamon and PGX granules and popped it in the microwave for 25secs. It tastes like Red River porridge hot cereal! I added globs of Chocolate Dip, more pancake syrup etc. The Sprinkles (much like Fiber One or All Bran) soak up all liquid and take on the fabulous flavor of whatever I add to it. PGX adds thickness, and a Cream of Wheat type consistency.

I was stuffed after dinner and my Sprinkles, but felt compelled to put clothes on, get on the elevator and go downstairs to get more Sprinkles (sore them in my mail box). I got 75g more, ate it and wanted more again. I am stress eating. I feel like I need Zanax or something!

Gym time... My ankle is still bruised and hurts like a M.F. I have such weird obsessions, and need to face my feelings. I tell myself that at least it isn't cereal, or muffin mix, or bread etc, but the Sprinkles still are pure carb (which I have an addiction to) and binging on lettuce leaves doesn't make it OK. It's still emotional eating, and binging regardless of what I put in my mouth. Life can be sooo hard sometimes. Or we make it harder than it has to be by how we cope with situations, react and respond to them, and how we choose to behave.

I want to regress to about age 2!! Ah, the good years!!!