MIGRAINES

The reason I have been so MIA is due to severe migraines. I don't mean headaches. I can do headaches; infact, I am grateful when I have a headache, because it's ONLY a headache, and I know it could be worse. Last Wednesday I got a 39.4 degree fever, which escalated into a 39.6 C by Friday (104 F). This was when I had all those client/ computer/ printer issues. I also got a total head cold, chills, runny nose, sore throat, sinus headache etc. The worse part was that something triggered my migraines to come back. I was in MIND NUMBING pain from Friday to Monday. 4 days. I mean dizzy, light sensitive, noise sensitive, EXCRUCIATING pain. It felt like my skull was going to break open from the pressure. On top of this I had a killer sinus headache, and it was pushing on the front of my forehead. I lost some of my vision and it was terrifying. I was taking Buckley's day and night, Extra strength Advil (Ibuprofen) *8- it didn't help- which goes to show that without the pain killers I would probably have blacked out from the pain. I also took Sodium Naproxen (Aleve) and doubled the dose. I reluctantly went to work Tuesday (out of fear of my manager) and it was POUNDING. At this point it was just a really bad headache. However, it got to me mentally/emotionally. It had been 5 days of non-stop pain. I broke down with the coworker I don't like, and she was actually nice. We have become closer since, but I am keeping my guard up with her. I do not trust her whatsoever. My manager could care less, and ignored me. Wednesday it still hurt like a bitch and it kept coming in waves. I had exactly 40min of NO HEADACHE before it started again with a dull pain. I could deal-it wasn`t delirious pain- but it was annoying. Luckily, I was in a great mood, so that helped a lot. Today is Saturday, and I can honestly say Thursday was the best day headache wise this week. Yesterday, there was a smoke situation @ work (I had to work in foggy carcinogenic smoke for 3 hrs due to ventilation issues from another place)- which triggered a headache. I was praying it wouldn't escalate into a migraine, because we still don't know what triggered the onset Wednesday afternoon.

I have since tried to find the Migraine Clinic, and inquiring (again) about an MRI scan of my head. I haven't had a migraine for months now (save 1 I had 2weeks ago- but it went away after 1 day) so I do not know what triggered it. I have never had one that was such a long duration. 4.5days of truly mind numbing, can't speak or think or see excruciating pain. I cannot describe it. Followed by 4.5 days of a severe to mild dull chronic headache. This coupled with stress, chills, runny nose, watery eyes and a sore throat and fever... it was not fun!

I am writing this with a mild dull pain in my head, but nothing to complain about at all. I am grateful for the headaches, because I know how much worse it can get.

I find migraines are so misunderstood. People always say 'oh, I get headaches too'. It's NOT a freaking headache! You can have migraines without the pain (crazy hey?!). It's a medical condition and it is DEBILITATING. It shatters you mentally. They think it's just a headache, and you are being weak and whiny for missing work etc. I cannot get up off the floor from pain. I cannot remember much of my weekend, as it all melded into eachother- where one day started and the other ended, I do not know.

I was thinking about other conditions that I find are stigmatising. Eating disorders; once people know or hear from your past they will ALWAYS look at you differently, and through that filter. It is one of those things that drive me beyond crazy.

If there are any migraine sufferers out there- my sincere empathy is with you. It is not an easy thing. If you know of anyone that truly suffers from migraines, please give them your understanding, love and support. It makes all the difference.

Sorry about the long post, but it feels good to get it out. BTW I saw my dad Monday and had to FAKE being ok around him, because he is SO critical and judgemental. I had to try to carry out a conversations, act energetic and happy, and go for a walk. I loaded up on the migraine pills, and towards the end I had to get him to drop me @ a drug store. I didn't want him to wait and drive me to my place, so I spent 2hrs in London Drugs trying to get the courage to leave and walk home outside in the BRIGHT sun.
Love you all, thank you for your constant support, love and understanding. The encouragement some of you have given me has literally and truly gotten me through hard times. Any little comment makes such a difference, as you feel like someone knows you are alive.
Thank you!
XOXOXO
B

Anybody seen or tried this? AMY PRODUCT

FALAFEL CHIPS

GOOD MORNING!

Seeing as though I have been struggling with a 'health' related issue, I thought I would post another 'FOOD FIND' instead.

I shared this with a few bloggers that I thought would appreciate this a couple of weeks ago. That sentence doesn't sound right... but my head hurts to much to think.

They are FALAFEL CHIPS! I cannot say enough about them. I never eat chips, but I took my junk food loving, chip eating SAD diet friend to Planet Organic with me, and they had samples... Needless to say, we both came for seconds, thirds etc. He has been going every week and buying them! They are THAT good. They are made with Fava bean and Chickpea/Black bean flour- All certified organic, and a ton- and I mean TON, of organic veggies, spices etc.

This is what they say:

"We are proud to introduce the world’s first and only Falafel Chip™ -a healthy and tasty chip
with gourmet taste and unmatched flavor. Available in Organic and All-Natural varieties,
we strive to produce products that are not only delightful to the palate, but good for you too! "

Thus far, they only have Original, and Spicy. I can tell you I have never tasted something like this before. Fantastic.

This is what their 'About Us' section has:




About Us
A successful chef, an expert nutritionist, and a master CEO; are the three best friends and partners behind this first of a kind Falafel Chips™: Healthy Tasty Snack… Anytime™

Our Chef:
It all started when our chef drew attention to his delicious chips and dips, which he was making at his Pasadena, California family restaurant, which became the subject of many acclaimed reviews.

Our Nutritionist:
Using his expertise in the formulation and manufacture of nutritional products, our MD/clinical nutritionist led the R&D efforts to optimize the production of the acclaimed chips and dips.


They are certified ORGANIC, GLUTEN FREE, TRANSFAT FREE, KOSHER, VEGETARIAN ETC (blogger won't let me upload any more pictures, otherwise I would include all their certifications- you can find them on the bottom of their web page)

The ingredient list is hard to read on the picture I posted, but it's all certified organic. It has organic cumin, cayenne, spinach, carrots, bell peppers, corn,fava, chickpea and black bean flour, coriander, tumeric, ginger, celery etc. TO DIE FOR!

Product Find!!! MAD HECTIC OATMEAL

To all my PROTEIN and OATS loving Bloggies... Check out my new discovery!
It is by MAD HECTIC FOODS

It is all natural, pesticide free whey protein, fiber etc.

They even have 'Random Acts Of Oatmeal"!!! Here is what they say on their website:

"MAD HECTIC OATMEAL is an all-natural, high-protein hot oatmeal cereal mix created to be an easy way to get important nutrients into your daily routine. We use only the finest ingredients and there are no artificial colors or sweeteners and no trans fats! Mad Hectic Oatmeal is incredibly tasty oatmeal that cooks in just one minute!

We start with organic oats that are full of fiber, vitamins and minerals. Many healthcare professionals recommend eating oatmeal daily to help reduce cholesterol and help protect your heart. A high-fiber breakfast also helps keep blood sugar levels balanced and helps you feel full longer, reducing the urge to splurge on high-sugar foods between meals.

Next, we add all-natural whey protein that contains NO pesticides, herbicides, rBST growth hormones, or antibiotics. A high protein breakfast is so important for both children and adults. Many studies show that children who regularly eat high-protein breakfasts get better grades, show improved concentration, less irritability and moodiness, and better weight management. (See references and more facts on our "fundraising" page above)

Ground, organic flaxseed meal is a very important ingredient in our oatmeal. Each of our creative flavors gives you an incredible 840 mg of omega-3 per serving! Omega-3 is so good for you in so many ways, far too many to list here.

Organic sesame seeds, in every flavor, gives you additional calcium, fiber, and taste. And if that wasn't enough, some of our flavors have freeze-dried fruit, tree nuts and even chocolate!

The result is a creative oatmeal breakfast with more protein, more fiber fiber, and more flavor!"


I love their mission statement, the quality of product, the nutrition etc! I am so excited to try this!!! CHECK THEM OUT!
B

Internal Compass and Musings

I've always been a sensitive person. As a child, my parent's friends called me 'worry wort' and I always took on others' hurt and burdens, and felt them so deeply that I can still remember the exact event as though it were yesterday. I always looked to my mom to know what kind of day it would be, and how my day would go. She ruled the family with her moods. I was raised too dependant on other people's feelings, versus being allowed to have my own. To this day, I feel I need to justify everything-and I mean EVERYTHING- I do/say/believe in. I need validation, acceptance, and a sense of belonging and unconditional love.
In short, I am the bottom rung of Maslow's hierarchy on needs.

I am constantly thinking about my family- if they would like something I saw, what they would think about a certain object/thought. I spend most of my energy thinking about them, doing things for them, researching things for them.... and I'm sort of okay with this.

It's gotten me thinking about where I would be in life had I focused on what I WANT/LIKE etc. What kind of person would I be. My identity is so enmeshed with them. I have obviously made leaps and bounds these past few years, especially since the JUNE blowout with my dad. No phone calls, contact etc. I needed a 'detox' of sorts.

What kind of person am I WITHOUT them. WHO am I without them. How do I see myself? What kind of family do I want to create? An unconditionally loving environment. I want my kids to know that NO MATTER what, they are loved for WHOM they are. Inner strength, a strong sense of morals/values and identity, compassion, self love and respect, integrity, a sense of acceptance, belonging, safety and security.
In short, I want to be that safe place they fall. The one place they can be themselves, and not ever worry about judgement and reproach. I want them to know that at the end of the day...
You are loved!

What about you guys? Any specifics you would do differently? What are your hopes and ambitions regarding family? What kind of parents do you want to be, and what do you want to teach your kids? What are the biggest lessons you've learned about yourself, and who you are?

What do you wish you knew when you were younger, and what would you tell your self?
I would tell myself that it will be okay, it's not that big of a deal, and to stress less and ENJOY myself more. To live.
B

3 WAY TO SPEAK YOUR TRUTH by Mark Robbins

This really struck a chord with me (especially point 1) so I decided to post it here, since it may resonate with someone. It is by Mark Robbins. I didn't post the previous pages-just the 3 points.

3 Ways to Speak Your Truth


How do we enhance and deepen our capacity to speak our truth with kindness, love and authenticity? There are lots of things we can do to accomplish this. Here are three to think about:

-Stop managing other people's feelings. I know this one well, as I can be the king of trying to manage other people's feelings. It's arrogant, manipulative and somewhat ridiculous to think we have the power to manage other people's emotions. We also use it as a cop-out to not really speak our truth. We can be aware and mindful of other people and how they might feel (so we don't end up being mean and hurtful on purpose), but when we let go of taking care of others in a condescending way, it frees us and them up to be grown-ups and have adult conversations, which sometimes can get a little sticky or tense when we're speaking our truth.

-Be real, not right. This is huge when it comes to speaking our truth. When we focus on winning or being right, we no longer can access the deepest places within our heart, which is where our real truth comes from. When we let go of our attachment to the outcome of a conversation, what the other person thinks and our erroneous obsession with always having to be right, we give ourselves the opportunity to get real. Being vulnerable and transparent are the key elements of speaking our truth, not dominating the conversation and the person (or people) we're talking to.

-Practice. Like anything and everything else in life, the best way for us to get better, deepen our capacity and grow is to practice. In this case, as we're talking about speaking our truth, it's not about role-playing per se (although if that helps give you the courage to have a difficult conversation, go for it). It is about speaking up and stepping into your life with your truth. Will you mess it up? Of course! Will you say the wrong things sometimes? Yes. Will people get upset, offended or defensive at times? Absolutely. This is not about being perfect, it is about being yourself and speaking authentically.

Have empathy and compassion with yourself as you practice—this is not easy for most of us. Even for those of us who have really worked to expand our capacity to speak our truth and have had many experiences of doing it in a powerful way, remember that each situation is always new and different. And, in certain areas of life (or with specific people), speaking up can be incredibly scary and challenging for us. Even if your legs shake, your voice quivers or your heart races (all of which usually happen when we get real and vulnerable), take a deep breath, dig down for the courage you have within you and be willing to speak your truth. When we do this, we can watch our relationships and lives literally transform.

DEAR MR BUCKLEY'S

HELLOOOO

Yesterday was a bad day. Stress ate. Got more and more sick (sinus/congested chest/ head hold/fever).
I got picked up by my weekend friend to run and grab the Emergen C electrolyte mix packets at Community Health Food store.
Ladies, I had a food fiber baby in a MAJOR way. So embarrassing. I look haggard. He decides we should go to the one farthest away (which was fine- it was en route to our fave Superstore, and the Wholesale Warehouse where I stock pile on radishes). Well MAJOR FAIL. They are back-ordered. Of course they are! My favorite Enzymes were also back ordered (Future Formulations Forte) so I grabbed their high fiber enzymes instead (LOVE THIS COMPANY).

It's become a running joke, that everything I like or use will be discontinued, back ordered, out of stock etc. Not kidding. PGX, Holy Basil Tea, 4Energy, Slimquick Extreme (both old and new version), Cytolean (old version), CMI REDCELL....all discontinued. Even Superstore was out of tomato's, mushrooms, pickles and MUSTARD! wtf?

Anyways, I was feeling bloody sick so we decided to leave Community, hit up Superstore, Wholesale Superstore, and then the Community right by my place....

WELL, as we are leaving the parking lot, I see a man walking towards me... IT IS MY DAD! I nearly DIED. Of all the days to let him see me.... I nearly cried. I have a strained relationship with him. It hurts and it is very hard. He constantly says "you're sick, get help, you are in denial, No you are NOT happy and better, you are denying the truth again etc etc.". I looked like a terminally ill person. PASTY white, dark circles, WHITE chapped lips, swollen eyes etc. OMG. It was horrible. I was so upset. I miss him, but I want to be radiant when I see him, not sickly! Of course he uses that to fuel his argument "look at you, you are not taking care of yourself, you are too thin, you need help" etc etc'

Superstore wasn't as fun after that: because they were also out of my PROTILIFE Chocolate Shake mix and Jamieson Electrolyte C packets, and the brand of flu/cold medication I wanted! How random is that?! At least they had Rezistex! These are AMAZING! Grapefruit is so good! Electrolytes, Amino's etc.
I left (after crouching for 30min-no jokes-I'm a label reader/comparing ingredients and cost) with Buckley's Complete Day and Night. I just wanted to knock myself out and sleep.

I got my Natural Value Brown mustard, my packets and some water at Community, and headed home. My meds did not kick in, and my eyes were running like crazy. I also wasn't groggy (I took the PM ones @ 5). I ended up taking 4 PM tabs, and finally slept!
I am off to the gym for a workout (Sunday is the LAST day of the Challenge!) and then errands! I will update my Saturday later!
Love B