Healthy Habits; Taking yourself out of the situation.

Janetha posted an interesting post on Healthy Habits, which really got me thinking. I think a problem with many of us is NOT dealing with emotions. Or rather, dealing with them in unhealthy ways. In keeping with the 'Healthy Habits' theme, I wanted to introduce another 'healthy' habit that many of us could benefit from. Getting out of the negative situation!

Learning how to remove yourself from the situation that is causing you to cope in unhealthy ways is one of the first steps in realizing that you are worth it. Many people struggle with emotional eating, guilt, fear, anxiety, self worth and feel pressured to put on the 'all is well' front. I think it's necessary for us to realize that it is okay-  more than that: HEALTHY, for us to be able to recognize and feel that we are not okay at all times. Whether it is feeling the pressure to look a certain way, suppress emotions, appear put together and perfect, successful, or buy that perfect present; all of us succumb to pressure at times. Being able to put distance between us and the emotion is a great way to gain perspective. I call it 'Getting out of the eye of the storm'. REMOVE yourself physically from the situation.
This is one of the best ways to EMOTIONALLY and psychologically remove yourself from it as well.

I recently was feeling so stressed out, and the entire fridge lay temptation to being consumed within an hour. It is often hard to think 'How will I feel after this' when you are just trying to numb the emotions/fear/feelings down and get through your day. Rather than giving in, I recognized that I needed to get out.It is hard to stop, so rather than mentally exhaust myself trying to rationalize with myself, I grabbed my laptop, note book and headed to my favorite Starbucks. Getting out among people really helps get you out of your head. Listening to the Holiday Music (Josh Groban), listening to the laughter and conversations of people around me, and seeing all the people around me really helped.

Now I realize that it is seldom this easy. But having a 'back-up plan' and listening to your intuition, recognizing that something is off and you are not coping is one of the best habits we can develop. I think that too many of us have developed or started working on this habit too late in life.

Here are some ideas:
1. GET OUT OF YOUR APARTMENT/HOUSE/CONDO/desk etc.
Even if it is for 5-10 minutes, get away. Go for a quick walk, go window shop, or just sit somewhere safe until you can gain perspective and calm down a bit. You need to think straight and when you are riled up, this is no state to be making decisions in.

-When you are feeling a bit better, allow yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Pain and hurt, as unpleasant as they are, are a healthy and integral part of our psyche.
-Take deep breaths!
- Distract yourself. I like walking through Chapter's or book stores, Home & Bath stores, grocery isles... anything with a lot of stuff to distract me with. Ironically, this lets me think clearer!
- Have a back up plan. If you are going through a rough time, brain-storm a few ideas ahead of time that you can do if you ever feel yourself getting overwhelmed. Join  a Yoga class, buy some paints, pick a favorite walking path, or head to your favorite grocery store (there are no right or wrong places-as long as they are safe!).
While this time of year is hard for so many people, the festive spirit and music/lights make it a wonderful place to reminisce, reflect, think and getaway without feeling too isolated and lonely.

I think so many of us put too much emphasis on trying to align ourselves with how we think we SHOULD be, vs how we really feel. This 'dis-alignment' causes so much grief.

Obviously, having someone you can talk to is essential to our well being. It's a hard step to make. We may not always be successful in extracting ourselves from toxic situations; the pain may be too great at times, and we may feel too tired. But those rare occasions that we are able to get out, and forgo the emotional binging, or whatever behaviour it is we end up regretting, it is the most empowering, and joyous feeling.

And for those times that you don't, and you do eat everything in your kitchen, cupboards, pantry, freezer etc, remember: IT'S OKAY!!! We all make mistakes, and we all go through times where our actions leave us feeling depressed, frustrated and regretful.

Just remember, that one day does not define you. Nor does one week, one month, or one year. Each day is a chance to make a fresh start, take a little better care of ourselves, learn to be in-touch with our feelings, and learn better ways to cope. Forgiveness of self and self-love are one of the healthiest habits I know.

The fallacy of Happy Weight.

Lately I've been really thinking about the term "happy weight", and how disordered that statement really is. Ever since Self magazine coined the term, I've heard so many women refer to their "happy weight", or more accurately, what their "happy weight" is, or will be. Again, reinforcing that a certain weight/ body size= happiness. I think it's become a convenient way to justify disordered eating habits, and dysmorphic body images. Why not "my happy self" or my "best version" or just "healthy-body mind spirit" all together? The fact that it's been assimilated into our society at such a rapid state just goes to emphasizes our unhealthy fixation on weight loss, diets, and being judged and ultimately, ONLY worthy when we reach that certain "magical" number (which never ends up being low enough, or good enough). And then,- only then, can we truly be happy. We need to realize that being/feeling "happy" isn't a something have to earn, or only have a right to feel if we've met some sort of ridiculous societal standard. We all have the right to be happy- regardless of size, and even more so because happiness is intrinsic to our well-being. It is not an alienable right that only certain people deserve to have. Think about it, what exactly does a "happy weight" really mean? They are two words that have nothing to do with one another. Without happiness, what is the point of life? To ascribe 'happiness' with weight is ludicrous.

I am in no way advocating obesity, or saying one should just let themselves go. That isn't healthy body mind spirit. But what about being happy with the person you are because of WHO you are? Not what the scale says? A little self-acceptance goes a long way, and leads to a healthy mind, which translates to a healthy body as well. A healthy mind leads to making healthy, sound decisions. You aren't prone to binge eat when you have a healthy mind. When you aren't emotionally binge- eating, you are usually at peace with yourself and life. You are in your HAPPY PLACE! You aren't trying to stuff down feelings, fill an emotional void and numb yourself to life. Your sense of self allows you to fill yourself with love.

 I recently was in the grocery store browsing isles when I saw a girl (about 17) talking on the phone. While I didn't hear her entire conversation, I noticed her definite frustration, and confusion while trying to decide what to buy. She looked overwhelmed and so unsure of herself. She kept picking up boxes, looking at them, hesitating and putting them back, while she listened to whomever was on the phone. She finally asked her friend in exasperation "I don't know what I should buy!!? I don't know what do get!". Her friend must have suggested something, as she replied immediately "I can't!!! I'm on a diet. I need to lose 5 lbs". Now this girl was a stick- the type that can fit into Aritzia size 0 pants. Her friend said something, and this poor girl threw out this rhetoric, "Well, not more than 10. But just 'tone up'". Her friend must have interjected with shock, saying she doesn't need to lose ANY weight, as the girl finally ended the conversation  by saying "Well I just want to get healthy. I'm not at my happy weight, Ok!!!? Just 5-10lbs and I'll be happy. I just want to get this roll of flab off my stomach before Christmas- then I'll be happy". She sounded defensive, frustrated and so naive. She could have gained a good 20lbs and still been skinny.

You would think with age comes maturity, but this is obviously not the case. I hear woman constantly discussing diets, fast weight loss, "does it really work", the "magic quick fix" and magazines with Diets and celebrity diet secrets are constantly the best selling. Unfortunately, it is the older of us who have sadly- unintentionally- given this message, perpetuated it and spread it like wild fire. I hate to blame media/TV- I think that ultimately, celebrity culture doesn't impact our mind-set all that much, unless the mind is already 'sick". Only then do we view these celebrities as 'perfect' and strive to fit into sample size 0s. If we have a healthy mind, attitude, sense of self and perception, we regard these TV shows and celebrities as just what they are- normal people working. We don't need to look for outside acceptance as a source of validation and joy. And our weight wouldn't dictate how much we like ourselves that particular day. We strive to be our best self, live, laugh, learn, and grow. We relish all that life throws at us, and can shake off the bad along with appreciating the good. We don't focus on the size of our jeans (it's just a number!), food, what we ate, how much etc. We would love food, look forward to it, eat what we want, and get on with our life. No fixation, not 'data mining' into dissecting what we ate, and what this means about who we are and how we should view ourselves.

 Self-love goes a long way. Instead of using terms like the fairly 'innocuous' happy weight, let's just focus on our 'happiest selves'. What makes us shine, and have a zest for life? When are we at our best, happiest and most confident selves? So I propose that today instead of the scale, our plates, foods, and body image dictating how much we can love ourselves, we just appreciate how wonderful and blessed we are and decide to be happy in spite of our 'flaws'. Our Self-Image and worth ISN'T reflected in the mirror! Let's focus on being our HAPPIEST selves, living our best lives.... Scale not included!



What makes you happy?

When do you feel the most at peace with yourself and life?

The most content and tranquil?

When are you the happiest?

How can one get out of the mind set that your weight dictates who you are or how you feel?
What are your thoughts on the term "Happy Weight"?