Monday Afternoon

I am sitting typing this out in a Starbucks, staring out into the empty street below me; wondering where the weekend went and why is it that the sun is choosing to hide. I am listening to Bon Iver and Saint Vincent’s “Rosyln” and feeling like I am in an ending episode of “Grey’s Anatomy’.  This music would make such great atmospheric mood music! OMG I just searched this song and found out it's from the New Moon Soundtrack! LOL. They are also playing the new Sarah McLachlan CD and this music is NOT conducive to extracting yourself from a depressing mindset! Beautiful, but depressing!


I have to say that the one positive from this horrible work situation is that my morning workouts have been amazing. I normally can’t workout when I’m really upset or anxious- I get overwhelmed and can’t breathe. I need to slow things down, calm down and just plow along breathing. I did 1hr and 40min on Saturday, and have been doing a full hour of intense cardio since Friday.

Friday I did 60min: 610cal/6.56miles

Saturday I did 61min: 626cal/6.54 miles and then I added another 35min=

35min: 352cal/4.02miles

Sunday I did 60min: 592cal/6.52miles

And Today I did 55min: 545cal/5.92miles.



I literally put Slipknot’s “Snuff’ on repeat and just shut my eyes and felt every lyric and lost my self in the music (Eminem style).




I have been trying to cut back on the amount of supplements and snacks I have due to my recent work situation, but I find that when I’m stressed I just want to emotionally eat more! I downed my morning Xenergy faster than Spencer Pratt can twitter hate filled tweets. Blue Pom this morning.



I also found an old bottle of Allmax Rapids Cuts Hardcore (before they changed the packaging) and have decided that I might as well put it to use with my pre-morning stack…. In an attempt to make my discontinued and replaced (fml) Xenadrine RFA-X (it is now RZR-X and NOT as good). I always have this pre-cardio along with the Methyl form of B12, a multi etc.

I refueled with my Almond Butter thick Fiber Smart/Protein pudding paste and then added more. HEAVEN. I had 2 servings because I wasn't sure as to when I would be eating at work or even if I would be allowed IN work.

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Looks less than appealing, but tastes OH SO GOOD! The color is from the Fiber Smart (flax).

This is an older picture too! lol. I love how it is SO thick and you can taste the nutty flax.

Sorry this post is so all over the place! I am just rambling to distract myself and DO something. Thank you for all the support you guys have given me! Wow- it means so much when you're going through a hard time!

Set Back.....

Hey Guys,
I have been on this 'Change your thoughts/mind, Change you life' kick- and it has really elevated my mood to a new level. However, yesterday I let some one's comment get to me, and this morning I woke up with that icky feeling in my stomach. Apparently, after I left work yesterday my manager hired another girl. I do not want to go into details, but I am SO sick of this. Too many people, different personalities, and NOBODY makes as much $$$$. I guess what hurt the most was that after working my a$$ off last week, I still feel like I wasn't enough.... that feeds into my mentality and biggest fear. I know he is needing someone who is willing to close later and weekends etc, but inevitably he always schedules them during my shifts, or GIVES them my shifts so they can make money too. I know I shouldn't focus on this, and anticipate the worst. Since my co-worker texted me (smugly, might I add) I felt my stomach turn over and I have been feeling like I am going to vomit ever since.  Butterflies (of the unpleasant variety- moths?)... Part of me wants to curl up, stay home and hide. I realize this doesn't solve anything. I just needed a place to vent.

On the + side, I picked up an extra tub of PGX Granules, HOLY BASIL, a book (Chicken Soup- it's uplifting and what I need right now), mushrooms, and The Keg's Seasoning Salt.