Grocery, tantrums and tearful workouts..

I woke up beyond cranky today. You know the type of mind numbing-overwhelmed exhaustion that overwhelms you and pushes you past your breaking point? I may have burst into tears about 3x before 9am. I am so tired. Mentally, emotionally: I feel like I have nothing more to give. Apparently, this is not the case as physically (though being more sore and tight in the hips/legs and shoulders than I've been in a long time), I pounded out a pretty decent workout this morning, given my current state. I make a teething, sleep deprived, sugar crashing 2 year old look like Buddah.

 I also MAY have burst into tears when the trainer at the gym mentioned that I looked tired. I did apologize in advance to EVERYONE- I said "I'm sorry-I'm a mess. I'm beyond drained, anxious and I am just exhausted and irritable; I really need to sleep and rest'. Of course the mind always makes things worse, but this constant stress, uncertainty and anxiety is killing me. I worry 24/7. I AM SO FRAZZLED! I feel like I am running a 'mental marathon' every single day. Just worrying, running...

She said 'You should go lie down, get some sleep' to which I tearfully replied 'Don't you think I know that!!?? I would if I could. I can't. I'm too tired'. lol. I wasn't sobbing, or actually crying. Just that overwhelmed, frustrated, tears falling from eyes type of release/hysteria. I kept telling myself 'quit whining- you're just tired and overwhelmed. You are blessed and have every reason to be happy- you're okay" all morning. Usually, doing something nice for other's, or giving them a nice comment helps- but nothing could put me at ease this morning. Believe me, I tried. I hate feeling this frustrated and whiny!

When I got to the gym and turned the TV on, a rerun of this AMAZING Documentary came on! One of my main interests is International Relations, Human Rights and anything to do with Africa, the Middle East, discrimination, suffering, inequality etc. I cannot stand knowing that people are suffering. Anyways, as an answer to my prayers, this documentary on Doc Zone called 'In The Cross Fire" about Louise Arbour (She is the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights) came on and although it didn't help my depressed mood, it certainly solidified the knowledge of how GOOD WE HAVE IT! It reinforced my belief that I am stupid lucky and am so grateful for how good I have it. Let me tell you- I know NOTHING of suffering (although it's all relative!) compared with the amazing people who survived the Genocide, who live in fear DAILY, compared to the Lost Boys of Sudan , the people of Darfur. You want to know what resiliance is?! Learn about what they are going through.

Anyways, I was so tired today that I literally stopped walking in Costco because I couldn't even move or keep my eyes open. My friend was really supportive today, and I actually had a really pleasant day!


Here are some groceries from the day:

 New brand of radishes! Hopefully these will stay fresher longer than the brand Wholesale used to sell! This is my weekly case of 14 packs or radishes (455g)

6 bags of Dole Chopped Romaine (907g), 1 bag of Dole Coleslaw, 1 small bag of Fresh Express 454g Coleslaw, 2 bag fulls of bulk Jumbo White Mushrooms, 5 1.2kg bags of Celery, 1.9L jug of Salsa, President's Choice Diet Lemonade,

Cucumbers, 2 more packs of celery, 4L jug of Sunspun Mustard.

I have to regress and rant a bit here: Leaving the gym, the security guard (whom I always talk to and love) started lecturing ME on amino acids and totally saying things that weren't true. I am a nutritionist and supplement consultant. I was so irritable and it GOT UNDER MY SKIN. I actually raised my voice and said 'THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING and NO they DO NOT do that, don't tell me what to do' (yes I am three yrs old again). I know this is overreacting. I am fully aware of this. But I already am feeling low, and this makes me feel worse (that he doesn't take me seriously/respect me/ and I feel like I'm not validated and have to prove myself). I hate when people tell me things I know (not events, but try to 'educate' me). I find it so UNDERMINING. Again, just irritable, raw, sensitive and exhausted today. Uncertainty makes me feel so insecure; it's my problem not anyone elses'. Feeling loads better now. I need a good night sleep and hopefully my brain can function again tomorrow!

I am having my nightly dessert of a pack of GG Scandinavian Bran Crispbread, Protishake/ice cream (Vanilla Protilife Shake) , tons of Davinci SF Syrup (German Chocolate Cake, French Vanilla and Caramel), Walden Farms Pancake Syrup, Walden Farms Blueberry Syrup and Walden Farms Apricot Jam.

 

 Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things. --Frank A. Clark

Making it work- great chill day!

I am quite proud of myself today, in that I was able to slow down and really change my mood and have a great day! I was up early and felt really off. I made an effort to smile at people and talk to them. I talked to the awesome ex-military security @ the gym (it's in a corporate oil and gas firm building) and my favorite trainer (who quit) was there this morning! I did 55min watching Will and Grace reruns, Flavor Wave Oven Turbo infomercials as well as zoning out and de-stressing. After I took my time enjoying the gorgeous sun and weather! Hello Vitamin D withdrawal- How I've missed you!

I ate an unpictured EGG CAKE, radishes, mushrooms, celery, and a killer Cookie Dough/Batter/Protein Sludge made with

51g Fiber smart Powder

 Pro Performance Elite Whey Isoburst French Vanilla Protein

Davinci Sugar Free French Vanilla

Walden Farms Calorie Free Pancake syrup

Sweet and low.

I also had my Tropical Cucumber! 1 huge cucumber, sugar free drink mix (I used the tropical pineapple president's choice brand), lemon juice, sweetener, jello!

I got ready and headed out with my 'weekend' friend. First stop was Whole Sale Superstore for radishes. FAIL again- spores, moldy..... always the case. Have to hit up the other store tomorrow!

I DID get another HUGE Sunspun Yellow Mustard and a 10 pack of Juicy Fruit Pineapple Orange gum.

We decided to be immature and get the huge cart for out mini purchase:

Next we hit up our Superstore and I ended up getting 6 Dole Chopped Romaine 907g bags,

6 350gram cauliflower cut bags, ANOTHER 12 packs of gum, 2 Walden Farms Strawberry jams, 2 French's Bold'n'spicy mustard's, 1 PC gourmet whole grain mustard, 30 cans of cut wax beans (15 yellow, 15 asparagus style green), 3 Litre Salsa, light bulbs etc.

We made a quick pit stop at the place I pick up the PGX granules to grab an extra, and my friend ran to the used book store and bought me the first Chicken Soup for the Soul book (sentimental value) I read as a surprise!

Last stop was COSTCO! Celery, samples, mushrooms, and ANOTHER huge French's Mustard, a new HUGE organic spice blend bottle, 3 pack of Nature's Best Egg Whites,  a 24 pack of Talking Rain beverages and as a surprise the gorgeous ITALIAN OPERA CD SET I've been lusting over!

My interesting way of getting this into the apartment (I had 2 HUGE reusable grocery bags ON EACH shoulder totalling 4 bags packed with the romaine, cauliflower, etc).

 Imagine this times 2. The bottom was crammed with cans of the green beans, salsa, mustard's, gum etc.

VITAMIX DEMO, Raper Van and 46 canned wax beans.

I had another phenomenal workout today, despite being so tired this morning I actually cried from exhaustion. My energy ramped up on the machine-it never ceases to amaze me. Today was a special day, as the VITA MIX demo was finally at our Costco's! I have been waiting for this since last November. Let me rewind to the beginning of the day. Post workout I had 4Fiber pudding with sf pancake syrup, sweetener, and Davinci sf Dulce De Leche syrup:

Followed by my normal Protilife Ice cream!

I had lunch (unpictured) after this which was my standard 2 bags of radishes dipped in honey mustard, a bag of broccoli slaw and a bag of cauliflower, red bell peppers, and mushrooms. I watched The Real Housewives of Orange County and infomercials during this. I then took a quick 15min nap and I did NOT want to get up. I know I keep repeating this, but I am not a nap person. Wish I was, but I get anxious being in my apartment during the day. The fact that I wanted to stay in bed and having been passing out from exhaustion DAILY and waking up exhausted is a sign that something is seriously off. I then ran down to meet my Weekend Friend, and we decided to get Superstore over with so we could spend most of our time @ Costco. I got 46cans of yellow and green wax beans, 4 908g bags of DOLE ROMAINE, 2 340g bags of cauliflower, salsa, tea, gum, Kikkomanan Low Sodium Soy Sauce and 4 4pack bags of Red Bell Peppers!!!

There were A LOT more cans...

Organic Nut Butter wall. This was from yesterdays Planet Organic trip but I forgot to upload it. I thought it would be a nice place to insert it here! LOL




We then went to Costco, where I got 2 packs of cut/washed celery hearts, a big MRS DASH and an Anatomy book for a artist friend. Of course we went for the Costco demo. We have their entire demo tour schedule and we will be like bad groupies! They will be in the south store March 24...and like obsessed groupie stalkers, we will be there. I proceeded to be a sample whore and steal all the soup demo cups by parking myself in front of them. The soup was pretty good. I also had a smoothie- but the LAME Vita mix protein powder was SOY (wtf) and had sugar in it- so I only had a tiny sample. It was excellent. I had no ice cream because the berry concentrate was all sugar and my body is SO sensitive. I proceeded to whore more soup cups (I had 5 mini elderly pill dispenser cup fulls) while marveling at the irritating girl who claimed her Vita ate her Tamper, and eventually wrangled the poor demo guy into giving her his demo tamper for free!!! I also managed to steal a bright yellow Hawaiian Leis as they had some sort of tropical palm tree lei thing going on all over the store. I wanted the lovely lavendar purple, but beggars can't be choosers (of in this case, Thieves can't be choosers!).

Now, lets talk about the traumatic experience that occurred. I call it, the adventures of the RAPER VAN. First of all, these windowless pervert kiddie porn Dodge vans should be made illegal. This particular van, I first saw in the Costco parking lot. Usually, I would think they would be that hideous beige/tan or off white, brown hew. This was horrendous. BRIGHT CRAYOLA ORANGE rusted to hell. We immediately blanched upon seeing it, and concluded there was something so wrong about it. We forgot about it, until we left to Best Buy right after Costco. This was in another complex, across the road. I stayed in the car and waited for my friend to grab a Wii headset. I entertained myself by reading the legal jargon on a Europe's Best coupon. All of a sudden OUT OF NOWHERE I see rusted obscene orange glide into my peripheral vision. As in pull up RIGHT BESIDE ME. Ugh- excuse me, but what are the chances raper van is both in Costco and then randomly goes to Best Buy too? I never get freaked out. I will walk alleys at night, by myself, and feel less of a scared sick feeling then I did when I looked up and saw it beside me.

It reminded my of Steven King's Christine- the Demon car following me. Instinctively, my hand jutted out and I locked all the doors while I waited to see who would emerge. It was this old kiddie porn distributing looking old dirty man. I kid you not, when he looked at me I actually felt evil emanating from him. I immediately texted my friend, who came running over.

I wanted to take a picture of the license plate, because I am CONVINCED no one would drive that van if they were sane. I realize it stands out like a sore thumb (being orange, and not the ubiquitous beige/off white), but it made me feel dirty just looking at it. I did take a picture of the rust spots which littered the car like pox marks. My cell phone camera lens was dirty, the car windows were dirty- so the picture does not do the rust or orange hue any justice:

I kept looking in the rear view the entire way home. I then got flowers (awww), mushrooms, and went home. Ate dinner, and am now indulging in my nightly GG Scandinavian Crispbread pudding mush!!! I also got a copy of my fave comedians newest CD (Lewis Black) so I am so excited to listen to it in bed!!!

Hope you guys had a great week!