Grocery, tantrums and tearful workouts..

I woke up beyond cranky today. You know the type of mind numbing-overwhelmed exhaustion that overwhelms you and pushes you past your breaking point? I may have burst into tears about 3x before 9am. I am so tired. Mentally, emotionally: I feel like I have nothing more to give. Apparently, this is not the case as physically (though being more sore and tight in the hips/legs and shoulders than I've been in a long time), I pounded out a pretty decent workout this morning, given my current state. I make a teething, sleep deprived, sugar crashing 2 year old look like Buddah.

 I also MAY have burst into tears when the trainer at the gym mentioned that I looked tired. I did apologize in advance to EVERYONE- I said "I'm sorry-I'm a mess. I'm beyond drained, anxious and I am just exhausted and irritable; I really need to sleep and rest'. Of course the mind always makes things worse, but this constant stress, uncertainty and anxiety is killing me. I worry 24/7. I AM SO FRAZZLED! I feel like I am running a 'mental marathon' every single day. Just worrying, running...

She said 'You should go lie down, get some sleep' to which I tearfully replied 'Don't you think I know that!!?? I would if I could. I can't. I'm too tired'. lol. I wasn't sobbing, or actually crying. Just that overwhelmed, frustrated, tears falling from eyes type of release/hysteria. I kept telling myself 'quit whining- you're just tired and overwhelmed. You are blessed and have every reason to be happy- you're okay" all morning. Usually, doing something nice for other's, or giving them a nice comment helps- but nothing could put me at ease this morning. Believe me, I tried. I hate feeling this frustrated and whiny!

When I got to the gym and turned the TV on, a rerun of this AMAZING Documentary came on! One of my main interests is International Relations, Human Rights and anything to do with Africa, the Middle East, discrimination, suffering, inequality etc. I cannot stand knowing that people are suffering. Anyways, as an answer to my prayers, this documentary on Doc Zone called 'In The Cross Fire" about Louise Arbour (She is the United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights) came on and although it didn't help my depressed mood, it certainly solidified the knowledge of how GOOD WE HAVE IT! It reinforced my belief that I am stupid lucky and am so grateful for how good I have it. Let me tell you- I know NOTHING of suffering (although it's all relative!) compared with the amazing people who survived the Genocide, who live in fear DAILY, compared to the Lost Boys of Sudan , the people of Darfur. You want to know what resiliance is?! Learn about what they are going through.

Anyways, I was so tired today that I literally stopped walking in Costco because I couldn't even move or keep my eyes open. My friend was really supportive today, and I actually had a really pleasant day!


Here are some groceries from the day:

 New brand of radishes! Hopefully these will stay fresher longer than the brand Wholesale used to sell! This is my weekly case of 14 packs or radishes (455g)

6 bags of Dole Chopped Romaine (907g), 1 bag of Dole Coleslaw, 1 small bag of Fresh Express 454g Coleslaw, 2 bag fulls of bulk Jumbo White Mushrooms, 5 1.2kg bags of Celery, 1.9L jug of Salsa, President's Choice Diet Lemonade,

Cucumbers, 2 more packs of celery, 4L jug of Sunspun Mustard.

I have to regress and rant a bit here: Leaving the gym, the security guard (whom I always talk to and love) started lecturing ME on amino acids and totally saying things that weren't true. I am a nutritionist and supplement consultant. I was so irritable and it GOT UNDER MY SKIN. I actually raised my voice and said 'THIS IS WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING and NO they DO NOT do that, don't tell me what to do' (yes I am three yrs old again). I know this is overreacting. I am fully aware of this. But I already am feeling low, and this makes me feel worse (that he doesn't take me seriously/respect me/ and I feel like I'm not validated and have to prove myself). I hate when people tell me things I know (not events, but try to 'educate' me). I find it so UNDERMINING. Again, just irritable, raw, sensitive and exhausted today. Uncertainty makes me feel so insecure; it's my problem not anyone elses'. Feeling loads better now. I need a good night sleep and hopefully my brain can function again tomorrow!

I am having my nightly dessert of a pack of GG Scandinavian Bran Crispbread, Protishake/ice cream (Vanilla Protilife Shake) , tons of Davinci SF Syrup (German Chocolate Cake, French Vanilla and Caramel), Walden Farms Pancake Syrup, Walden Farms Blueberry Syrup and Walden Farms Apricot Jam.

 

 Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things. --Frank A. Clark

Weekend via pictures (aka mustard, mustard, book, mustard!)

This post is so long overdue! Weekend shenanigans! AKA mustard, mustard, salsa, book and MUSTARD!

This is kind of lame, but nevertheless...

I took a picture of these SUGAR FREE CANDIES I've been eyeing since I discovered them at this Killer Dollar Store about a year ago.

They literally have EVERYTHING! Fuzzy peach, worms, sour rings, sour worms, chocolate almonds, gummies etc. SO TEMPTING

I LOVE COSTCO!

Costco Vine Tomatoes! They looked amazing!

DIET MANGO!!! OMG SO GOOD!

These are my daily 2 bags of RADISHES

This wasn't the 'full' effect (the main salad was missing the top layer)! Sorry about the seasoning crusted bowl. SO GOOD!

I finished reading "THE SECRET DAUGHTER" within 2 days. I LOVED IT! Highly recommend reading this! I am now reading 'Half of a Yellow Sun" and am getting "I SHALL NOT HATE: A GAZA DOCTOR'S JOURNEY' this weekend!

Monday and Sunday recap

I started writing this Monday:

What started as a potentially nice day somehow got the best of me. Or I let it. I am really struggling friends. I don't know what it was, but TRY AS I MIGHT I could not find the stay power to turn things around. I ended up leaving work, avoiding uncomfortable conversation, majorly over-eating to the point I felt sick and feel overwhelmed. Where did this suddenly come from? I think I need sleep and a holiday. My friend is on his way to grab me to go to Planet Organic and maybe Iron Man 2. I don't really feel like seeing it NOW but need to get out.

Let's start from Sunday:

 I went to the T&T's to load up on SOY SAUCE and my Watson Shiritaki Noodles (20 noodles, 1 jug of lite soy) and also left with 2 packs of this awesome GRAPE AND HONEY MELON sugar free gum! I also got to cute kids stir spoons with Monkey's on them!

24 packs of Shirataki noodles.

Sugar Free Grape AND Honey Melon Gum

 

My Gum, monkey spoons all on a sheet of Nori. I'm classy like that!

I had to take a picture. Essence of Chicken? With Cordyceps. I use Cordyceps (mushroom for energy and stamina)... I found this so funny for some reason.

We made it to the 'wholesale place' to grab my radishes and I found this SUNSPUN huge tuna can funny. It looks SOO GHETTO!! Ocean's looks so nice as compared to their packaging.

Walmart was a FAIL- they had NO MANN'S produce packs at all. No Rainbow Coleslaw, Broccoli Slaw, Broccoli and Cauli etc. I got a White Board and found the LAST PACK OF THE NEW STRIDE MYSTERY GUM IN THE STORE!!! IT tastes like RAINBOW Sherbet!!!

After we went to Safeway, where I got more Crystal Light, Tomatoes, Cucumbers, Bell Peppers, Tuna, Green Onions etc.

Last stop was Arirang (Korean Market) for Seaweed 100sheet packs and Community Natural Foods for MUSTARD!!!!! (YES I HAVE A SEVERE PROBLEM! ha ha)

This morning I had my first 'stress binge' in a LONG time. I realize it was 'only' Egg Cakes ( psyllium, egg whites, sweet and low, cinnamon and microwave for 1 min) but I literally went through a whole container of egg whites. I slathered them in Walden Farms Sugar Free Jam, and Walden Farms Pancake Syrup.

 This takes us to the top of this post *today.

We ended up x-naying Iron Man and went to Chapters' where I got my lap top upgraded to 1.215 GB, new virus protection and 3 books! I don't often talk about books on this blog but I am an AVID reader. I found a book I had on my wish list since I saw it reviewed on the Globe and Mail Saturday Edition a long time ago!! I happened to look down (totally forgot about the book!) and it was in clearance for $6.99 from $26.99 because it was hard cover (Novel About My Wife by Emily Perkins)! I also got the LAW OF ATTRACTION on CD, and Maarten J Troost's 'The Sex Lives Of Cannibal's" (it's not what you think- travel literature). YAY. I also did a quick Superstore run, where I grabbed a 4pack of Red Bell Peppers, THREE WALDEN FARMS CALORIE FREE STRAWBERRY JAMS AND 1 WALDEN FARMS CHOCOLATE DIP! I ALSO FINALLY GOT THE NEW SALSA!!

Not sure if you guys remember me whining about how I LOVE their new Extra Chunky President's Choice Salsa, but the NEW RECIPE (sans sugar) only came in the small jars. Every week I would check to see if the new ones were out in the JUGS (1.89L) but they kept replenishing the old ones. Monday they finally had BOTH (it wasn't there on Sunday!):

After that excitement we booked it to Costco to grab another pack of Celery!

These are the AMAZING spices/seasonings I was tell you guys about on Saturday. They are by Aromatica Organic's the new ones they added to Costco are (so far): Vegetable, Seafood, and Garlic Pepper!

I am getting the Vegetable Seasoning Next!

Very Exciting- I decided to grab the Grape Flavoured UnderWAY!

Mock me all you want- no I do not believe it will make me 'lose weight' nor am I convinced of the web sites founder's HERO FIBER. Check it out HERE. http://www.under-way.com/ What I like is that it tastes like a melted grape Popsicle- thick. It's thickened with Vegetable Glycerin and I admit it really helped hydrate me! It is not watery at all. REVIEW TO COME!

That concludes Monday. I did stop at Safeway and get 4 Mann's Broccoli Slaw's and 2 rain checks because they were out of stock and on sale for $0.99!!