Thursday...mixed emotions...leaving cell uncharged.

I did 55min @ the gym and burned 533cal/5.58 miles. I got paid today and almost had a breakdown. $300! I can't pay rent, buy food anything. My manager is purposefully being a dick about giving me hours. I am so scared. Luckily, my cell phone died- so I felt freed, and cut off from all the stress. It feels so nice- I'm not going to charge it (only to turn it on and take food pics of dinner).

I totally binged on the FiberSmart again. 3 scoops Chocolate Amazing grass super foods, water, sweetener, cinnamon, sugar free vanilla Starbucks syrup, and what ended up being 12 7.5g scoops of the Fiber Smart! Delicious, but I kept going for more fiber smart (POURING it into my cup) adding water, sweetener, and eating it thick like peanut butter. I also ate a 455g bag of radishes, and my lunch (can of whole green wax beans, HUGE can of shredded bamboo with seasoning.

I met up with a friend after work, which was SO NICE! I need to get out more and away from obsessed, making me so uncomfortable weekend buddy! I got to my apartment, counted out 21 sheets of Nori Seaweed, and 4 GG Scandinavian Bran Crisps. I immediately ate ALL the Bran Crackers, crumbled into my mini bowl with Walden Farms Sugar Free Pancake Syrup, cinnamon, sweetener, and PGX granules. Microwaved 44sec, then added more syrup (butterscotch Davinci)and re microwaved. So yummy, but I shouldn't have had them until after dinner! I am contemplating going down to my mailbox (where I store them-don't ask) and grabbing the last 1?

I am currently munching on 1.5 yellow bells peppers, dipped in salsa, and baby pickles.

Feeling so MANIPULATED

< Hello! I am leaving in about 8 min for the gym..it is 652am and I somehow managed to stay in bed due to a throbbing headache that surfaced last night, and escalated through the early hours of this morning. I am feeling really 'undigested' and bloated. I am really trying to stay positive today, as I am quite stressed. I am packing a can of shredded bamboo shoots, can of whole green asparagus style canned beans (with Johnny's seasoning) a 454g of radishes to crunch on, tuna and a bell pepper. I also plan on having my CHOCOLATE Amazing Grass Super Foods after my workout!!! I think I am just going to refer to it as my Chocolate Brownie Batter from now on. So my 'friend' ordered me a case of the GGScandinavian Bran Crisp Breads  (30 packs per case) and got it sent to HIS place... it's his way of controlling the situation- so I am more dependant on him. I never asked him to, but I am glad he did. This whole thing is so F*$#ed up!! I truly just want him to shut the hell up about his feelings, man up, and go back to how things were before he became so whiny, manipulative, melodramatic, and irrational. Seriously! You obviously do not value a friendship if you are willing to destroy it due to a 'feeling'. He KNOWS I do not feel the same way, and he kept saying in the car 'I know if I say it I will wreck everything blah blah" after which he repeated (for sympathy) about 30x "I can't do anything right". I didn't correct him. It's 7:02am and I still haven't left. I'll give myself another 10min and I'm off to FACE THE DAY! UPDATE: I did 54min @ the gym and burned 520cal/5.30miles. I am feeling so torn, as my friend (who I am physically repulsed by) sexually speaking) has been texting me messages all day saying we NEED to be a couple, he is in love, holding what he spent his day doing over my head ("Because I am constantly SELFLESSLY going out of my way to make you happy, I picked up another 5 boxes of protilife for you"). SELFLESSLY? I am so stressed and uncomfortable. So worried @ the same time about $ and how I'm going to get all my groceries done without him... I want to cry. Too stressed to even write about anything else, or take pictures. Sorry guys. PLEASE HELP. I just told him I am not sure about this weekend any more- so stressed, and uncomfortable. I hope I don't lose his friendship and support. I am shaking from hurt and worry... Not even kidding Here is the HUGE 11serving size bag of Dole Romaine I use every night:


Here is dinner:





These are the Seaweed Nori sheets (times *22) that I tear into 6's per sheet every night to stuff my salad/tuna/casserole mess into every night:













These are the seaweed Nori 'wraps' I make everynight:

Still unsure

After my friends immature, selfish, and melodramatic declaration of love, I find myself more and more disgusted, saddened and dismayed.
Most of all, I feel hurt. That he would manipulate me so much, and be so juvenile. He was right about 1 thing; he is a coward. Part of me wants to pretend I didn't hear anything because he yelled it while the heavy black industrial doors were closing in the back entrance to my apartment building. He kept wanting me to cajole him into saying it, and I kept responding with 'don't, this isn't the right time otherwise it wouldn't so hard- go take a break, clear your head to gain perspective, let things happen naturally- if it's meant to be it will happen" (talking hypothetically of course, as I was trying to act like I had no clue what he was having a fit about. He kept trying to fish me to say 'tell me, what is it' and I'm so sick of his games. I barely slept last night, am tired this morning, and stressed. He is quite selfish.
I feel like texting him (as per our norm) acting normal and saying something like 'Ninja Assassin tomorrow!!!" (it's a movie he wants to see), another part wants to shut the phone off completely. Any advice??

The plan for today is as follows:
1. GYM (I am so tired I want to curl up and lay in bed all day)
2.Work (I hope it goes well!)
3.Get through the day.

I think 2 and 3 will definitely be the hardest.
4pm UPDATE:

The gym was a killer today...in the NOT good sense. I was so stressed and worried about this whole 'friend' situation, and how it's going to affect me (selfish? perhaps, but I trusted this person) that I couldn't breath or relax. I had my Brownie Batter (aka Chocolate Amazing Grass Superfoods, sweetener, cinnamon, water made thick) and a bag of Radishes Walking to work. Luckily, my manager was doing inventory somewhere and didn't end up seeing him. I did text 'my friend' saying something like "Excited for Ninja fun? Can you pls check your trunk again for the crackers"- he responded with 'sure'. I then further texted asking 'Are we still on for this weekend"? (I am depending on him for a ride to the sugar free place- which he offered, and agreed to). He responded 'I guess, if you want to". I was like WTF!? If I want to?

I over stress ate on Renew Life's Fibersmart from stress again. I bought it, then returned it 11 scoops later...

You can never really rely on, or trust on anyone but yourself. You can truly only depend on you. Otherwise you become weak. I don't mean not letting people in- but watching out for yourself.

Dinner was my usual layered veggie, lettuce, broccoli slaw, tuna, peppers, green onion, tomato, green beans, seaweed, salsa concoction. I used to do 2 cans of beans, a 1 pack shiritaki on the bottom, 283g Fresh Express Hearts of Romaine etc. Then I kept adding tomatoes, peppers, broccoli slaw, another can of beans, 30 seaweed pieces, and 908g of DOLE ROMAINE, followed by BOWLS of salsa, seaweed sheets used for scoopage, radishes etc.

Lately, it's been this process:
Layer 1: Romaine
Layer2: Coleslaw/of Broccoli slaw
-copious amounts of Italian seasoning, creole, chili peppers, green onions, pepper, salt etc and usually Walden Farms Thousand Island/Coleslaw or Jersey Sweet Onion dressing (I use the 'creamy' ones on that layer).
Layer 3: 1 can of wax beans, more spices
Layer 4: Romaine
Layer5: Broccoli slaw/coleslaw (more seasonings)
Layer6: 2 cans of the 14min microwaved, seasoned, crispy canned beans topped with Walden Farms BBQ sauce (thick and spicy, or honey bbq)
Layer 6: Tuna, green onions, tomato, pancake syrup on tuna, or sf apricot jam etc.
Layer 7: Romaine, topped with more BBQ sauce, salsa, pepper, spices etc and remaining tomatoes, green onions, bell peppers etc.







UPDATE: He's been sending weird random texts, such as "bye" and "not eating. staring at wall, in bed all day"... It's grating!!

Monday's DRAMA...already

KELLY CLARKSON



More pictures from the concert ^^^ above!

I have today off from work, but would actually prefer working today. I woke up with a throbbing wrist, which feels inflammed! I took an advil, and said I would go back to bed to listen to the news for 10min.... 50min later...I get up.
I did 54min: 537cal/5.49miles.
Post Workout BROWNIE BATTER (LOL)



Here is lunch:






I also made some RADISH CHIPS:









I then went to see KURBAAN with a friend. He almost had a breakdown on the way back (not kidding) and started crying and babbling incoherently. I KNEW what he was getting @ so I really tried to change the subject. He keeps saying he's a coward, and needs to say something, and he can't etc etc. He is manipulating me so much. Finally I am ready to get inside, and he says "BTW I'm in love with you" and slams the door and RUNS away. I am so pissed off right now.

Dinner: