Saturday

Bad start to the day; whomever was supposed to open the gym DIDN'T SHOW UP! I waited for an hour, and then started to feel really nauseous from all the pre-workout stuff I took, went home and dry heaved. UGH. I then had 3 servings of Amazing Grass Superfoods Chocolate, followed by another 3, followed by 4, and another 3 made into puddings. I couldn't stop- so good and I was SO STRESSED and ANXIOUS:





I was a wreck. Went to see Paranormal Activity with my friend (good movie- except for the fact that they STAYED in the freaking house?! WTF!! I'd be at the nearest Four Season's until the Demon Dr. can come. Who goes back to sleep in their room when they know it's haunted). I got the Slatkin and Co Lilac spray, Duwops Lip Venom in Lacana (I want their limited edition Twilight line in Kindle), bought tons of groceries @ Superstore ( canned wax beans, 5 bags Romaine from Dole, 3 huge bags of Dole Colorful Coleslaw, 2 340g bags of broccoli slaw, 2 tubs of salsa, tea and lemon juice).

Here is DINNER:






I had 31.5 sheets of Nori, romaine, broccoli slaw, tomato, green onion, 3 cans of wax beans, Goldseal Smoked Light Tuna in Water, seasoning, salsa. I didn't have any GG Scandinavian Crispbreads, because of this morning's Superfood Amazing Grass binge.

Felt like shit yesterday, but managed work (manager purposely didn't comment on my Barry White/ Darth Vader-esque inspired voice, or lack there of, or coughing etc). Went to see Micheal Jackson's This Is It. Crazy dancing. It definitely was worth going to see. It's his private footage. I felt a profound sense of sadness for him, and a renewed appreciation. Wish they had interviewed the back up dancers. CRAZY. I wasn't even that big of a fan of his music (love smooth criminal, billy jean, the free willy song, what have we done etc). After the friend that got me sick drove me to safeway and bought me fresh El Molino Salsa (immune health-garlic, onions, tomatoes that haven't been heated, hence the enzymes not destroyed) and I bought 1 bell pepper for $2.40! WTF. Then we went to Community Natural Foods (Mecca) and he bought me Celestial Seasonings Lemon Zinger tea (I don't know why we didn't pick it up @ Safeway, as they were on SALE) and AMAZING GRASS SUPER GREENS CHOCOLATE!!!

Really mad at how much I ate. Or rather, how quickly I ate it. Came home later than usual, and counted out 5 GG Bran Crispbreads, 31 seaweed, 2 scoops Amazing Grass Super Foods, and made dinner (dinner what AMAZING):










After this I took the remaining 11 seaweed sheets, 3/4 entire 1.89L TUB of salsa, and ate that break the 1/2 seaweed sheets into 3's and dipping them into salsa like pita (scoopage- must fold the seaweed so they hold up). I then crumbled the Scandinavian Bran Crispbread into mini bowls (ramekins) added Walden Farm's Calorie Free Pancake Syrup, cinnamon, PGX granules, Davinci Sugar Free Syrup in German Chocolate Cake, Sweet and Low packet, TB of Walden Farm's Chocolate dip, stirred, and microwaved for 40 sec until thick. Let it cool, added more pancake syrup and jello. I also mixed my amazing grass with the pancake syrup, chocolate sauce and cinnamon in a bowl. YUM

Still not Friday (aka Thursday)

I am sick. As in my weekend buddy that was on antibiotics, half dead, and coughing like crazy with the worst sore throat in history.... got me sick. So far I have that induced cough where you can't stop coughing and constantly feel compelled to do so. Like there's a constant tickle in your chest. IT started yesterday- which is strange, because he is on the mend and I was fine Tuesday... Either way, I've been loading up on CanPrev's Immuno-Pro Formula (love CanPrev) and other antioxidants.

I feel really gross this morning- more from undigested food sitting in my stomach making me feel distended, pregnant, full and over all GROSS!!

Friday I am going to go see the Michael Jackson movie just because. :)
I thought it was just his concert until I saw the previews, and it actually looks more like an 'expose' documentary about the man. Since it's only out for a week or so, I thought I might as well.

At the gym I did my standard 54 min on the elliptical which equated to: 522cal and 5.52miles.

Lunch was my standard tuna, coleslaw, and canned beans. Today was payday- which has been causing anxiety because I hardly worked for the past 2 weeks. I got more than I thought I'd get (yay) however, after I paid bills (cable, cell, and owed family $$) I was left with nothing! I still have to finish paying rent, so that leaves me with about $100 for 2 weeks! I have to buy a birthday present for my little sister (most important person in the world to me) and pay my friend back the $100 he lent me for groceries last week. STRESS. CANNOT BE SICK!!!

Work was ok. Left early due to being sick, headed home, ate, lay down and headed to my psychiatrist appointment where I got a prescription for anti anxiety meds.

Dinner:








This was eaten with 31 sheets of seaweed (ten with dinner) and the rest eaten with 1/2 a jug of salsa (dipped in/scoopage) and 5 GG Bran Crisps. I now have the beginnings of a killer headache... I hope this goes away by tomorrow morning!

Why isn't it Friday already?

Good morning,
I woke up not wanting to go to work today, but I HAVE to. I can't run and hide every time I'm uncomfortable. My plan is to hit the gym, shower (obviously), make through work without an anxiety attack (2pm) and not throttling my co-worker. And not falling apart (reiterating avoiding anxiety attack statement) and hopefully being open to meeting my lawyer friend for tea. I keep avoiding people, because I feel so stressed, panicked, tired, and ugly lately. Mostly just scared and paranoid...

I'm having my raw coleslaw blend, can of wax beans, and tuna at work for breakfast. My goal is to eat more raw foods and veggies (aka less crackers!!). I am out of bell peppers, which presents a problem, but I'll make do.

I have no idea what format I should blog in! Some ppl do a whole day recap @ night, other's in the morning etc. I usually write "updates".
EX. I'm writing in the morning now before gym/work and will update when I get home, and my dinner. I guess I will just 'save draft' and update and then post it all. I just don't know if I should change the tenses (past tense/present) when writing the morning post. Meh. Wish me luck.

6pm UPDATE:
Work was ok today! I kept really chill and calm for some reason (Holy Basil). I asked for Wednesday off (for the next couple weeks so I don't get overwhelmed). I am currently waiting for my 'weekend' buddy to drive over and drop off some seaweed and Scandinavian GG Bran Fiber Crisps, because for some odd reason, the apartment office (where I store my stuff in a drawer they let me use) is closed 2 hrs early! I had chocolate SuperGrass with Davinci Gourmet Sugar Free German Chocolate Cake syrup, and a bit of Walden Farms Calorie Free Pancake syrup, a packet of sweet and low, and cinnamon mixed into a ramekin. SO GOOD. Thicker than the paste consistency I normally make, but the pancake syrup gave it a nice texture.

My lunch was 170g Coleslaw, a can of tuna and wax beans (I took this picture after 2/3 were eaten):



After work I met a friend @ Sbux and had a Passion Tea with sugar free vanilla,sweetener, and lemon juice:


Here is dinner, after I had 3 bowls of coleslaw with apricot jam, lemon, jello, and crystal light. It was great.

Sunday's dinner/dessert

Had a great workout, took my gorgeous amazing baby sister to see The Invention Of Lying again, got picked up by my sick friend to get groceries and portion GG bran crackers (9) and seaweed (31) out of his trunk. I am now stuffed= ate too much too fast... especially the 9 GG Scandinavian Bran Crisp Crackers crumbled, thickened and heated until thick like oatmeal. 10 mini bowls worth topped with cinnamon, walden farms jam, cooked in walden farms sugar free pancake syrup and sweetener.

Here is my AMAZING dinner 'salad' stew casserole thing:

Last night around 10:45 I started to feel queasy and lightheaded. I ended up getting out of bed and having 107g of Salad with salsa, and a peeled chopped cucumber with my jello, crystal light, cinnamon, lemon, sweetener etc. I felt better after.

I am heading to the gym in 10min; just woke up. I NEVER sleep in but the Gravol's made me so groggy. I kept getting up to go to the bathroom, falling asleep, waking up and just lying in bed... I also am out of my favorite thermo's so I'm going to sample something different today.

It's raining and windy outside- LOVE!! Ankle is still sore and it's spreading up my leg to my knee. Feels like a stress fracture, or IT Band/ACL injury. I hope it's not the latter!

UPDATE: Had a good workout- did Tabata's the last ten minutes and killed myself! I had 2 sugar free wine gums walking home, 1 pack amazing grass berry, 1 packet amazing grass natural, and 1 packet organic wheat grass mixed into a thick paste with Davinci Sugar Free strawberry syrup! So good!




This was lunch: Rest of coleslaw, can of tuna, romaine, can of waxed beans, bbq sauce (Walden Farms):





Going to see Cirque de Freak:Vampire's Assistant this afternoon

Update: Movie was fun- except my friend was so sick he literally had to lay down on the chairs and was too sick to move. Here is dinner:







Followed by my GG Scandinavian crisp/sugar free syrup, cinnamon, pgx, jello and sf spread concoction- nice a hot out of the microwave:





I am now listening to Rihanna's new single "Russian Roulette' and love it! I can relate in a big way. Have a great Saturday night!

Fall Friday!

Happy Friday!

I woke up with a throbbing head and THROBBING ankle. They were actually throbbing in unison. Not kidding. I am heading to the gym (obviously) and then to work; luckily irritating co-worker is off today! She did however inform me that she will be 'stopping by'... joy.

I need to stay strong today and not fall apart or get off track. I haven't had a protilife shake in about a month!! I end up overeating all day, and then don't have one. I miss my protilife chocolate ice cream!!! I really hope I "earn" one today.

I have also decided that I am going to go on anti-anxiety meds... because the anxiety/panic/fear is crippling me. The Dr. prescribed something other than the Ativan (which I wanted) due to its' high addiction rate. The stuff he prescribed has the worst side effects-nausea, dizziness, stomach pain (stuff which I specifically asked him about- and he denied!!!) and weight gain. I promised myself YEARS ago that I would NEVER go back on Ativan again... but since these circumstances are a bit different.... or a lot different, I think I won't abuse them. I'm not so much trying to numb myself as I am just trying to get through the day.

UPDATE:
Gym was great this morning!!! Work was nice, mostly because a dear friend whom I've been avoiding (I feel self conscious) stopped by to pick up protein and took me out for tea. We spent 50min talking and it was so pleasant and nice!! Totally made my day. I felt really vomity when I got home, nauseous and light headed (despite eating) but I'm feeling better now.

Here is dinner:
3 cans wax beans, 340g of broccoli slaw, Goldseal Smoked Light Tuna, 2 tomato's, green onion, Chopped romaine (610g), 28 seaweed wrappers, salsa, 8 GG Scandinavian Crisps and jello. Before I had coleslaw, cucumber sweet/sour salad, etc.

THURSDAY forgot to post!

Since I was returning back to work today, I skipped the gym to get rest. I know! Shocking. I also loaded up on Holy Basil, so I wouldn't have an anxiety attack. Work was ok... dull headache, but I'll take that any day! I am 99.9% sure I have a stress fracture on my left foot (ankle) and it's sprained as well. OW!

I ate tons when I got home, but mostly Dole 3 colored Coleslaw mix, seaweed (I portioned 30sheets before I came home) 3 GG Scandinavian Brab Crisps (I took 7.5 with me from the storage place), jello, left overs etc. Healthy stuff.

This was my breakfast:





It was a can of wax beans, coleslaw mix, Admiral Tuna with some Walden Farms' Coleslaw dressing.


This was my lunch snack:



Coleslaw, and a red sweet bell pepper.

Tuesday- aka 4 days until Friday

I'm headed to the gym to see if it will help my headache- which is dull and gnawing away at my sanity bit by bit. These headaches and migraines are literally going to kill me if the stress/anxiety doesn't. I thought I'd start this post off with a little bit of floral loveliness. My friend grabbed these for me as a surprise Sunday:





Excuse the cluttered mess in backgroud.

Yesterday I saw "WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE'. FANTASTIC. THIS IS NOT A KIDS MOVIE. The music was beautiful, and emotive. Definitely props to the music/score person. It was so well done, and Max was adorable. It was a stripped down, no overdone CGI graphics action movie. Just about feelings, loneliness, how we deal with hurt ect. Very powerful. Beautiful stirring touching movie. I am saving Paranormal Activity for Halloween (seems appropriate, no?).

I picked up 2 more El Molino Salsa's after the movie, and 4 cans Tuna! I Salsa tub is already gone, as is 3/4 of a 2L one!!! I feel emotionally drained. I have a client this afternoon- so wish me luck!!!!