MIGRAINES

The reason I have been so MIA is due to severe migraines. I don't mean headaches. I can do headaches; infact, I am grateful when I have a headache, because it's ONLY a headache, and I know it could be worse. Last Wednesday I got a 39.4 degree fever, which escalated into a 39.6 C by Friday (104 F). This was when I had all those client/ computer/ printer issues. I also got a total head cold, chills, runny nose, sore throat, sinus headache etc. The worse part was that something triggered my migraines to come back. I was in MIND NUMBING pain from Friday to Monday. 4 days. I mean dizzy, light sensitive, noise sensitive, EXCRUCIATING pain. It felt like my skull was going to break open from the pressure. On top of this I had a killer sinus headache, and it was pushing on the front of my forehead. I lost some of my vision and it was terrifying. I was taking Buckley's day and night, Extra strength Advil (Ibuprofen) *8- it didn't help- which goes to show that without the pain killers I would probably have blacked out from the pain. I also took Sodium Naproxen (Aleve) and doubled the dose. I reluctantly went to work Tuesday (out of fear of my manager) and it was POUNDING. At this point it was just a really bad headache. However, it got to me mentally/emotionally. It had been 5 days of non-stop pain. I broke down with the coworker I don't like, and she was actually nice. We have become closer since, but I am keeping my guard up with her. I do not trust her whatsoever. My manager could care less, and ignored me. Wednesday it still hurt like a bitch and it kept coming in waves. I had exactly 40min of NO HEADACHE before it started again with a dull pain. I could deal-it wasn`t delirious pain- but it was annoying. Luckily, I was in a great mood, so that helped a lot. Today is Saturday, and I can honestly say Thursday was the best day headache wise this week. Yesterday, there was a smoke situation @ work (I had to work in foggy carcinogenic smoke for 3 hrs due to ventilation issues from another place)- which triggered a headache. I was praying it wouldn't escalate into a migraine, because we still don't know what triggered the onset Wednesday afternoon.

I have since tried to find the Migraine Clinic, and inquiring (again) about an MRI scan of my head. I haven't had a migraine for months now (save 1 I had 2weeks ago- but it went away after 1 day) so I do not know what triggered it. I have never had one that was such a long duration. 4.5days of truly mind numbing, can't speak or think or see excruciating pain. I cannot describe it. Followed by 4.5 days of a severe to mild dull chronic headache. This coupled with stress, chills, runny nose, watery eyes and a sore throat and fever... it was not fun!

I am writing this with a mild dull pain in my head, but nothing to complain about at all. I am grateful for the headaches, because I know how much worse it can get.

I find migraines are so misunderstood. People always say 'oh, I get headaches too'. It's NOT a freaking headache! You can have migraines without the pain (crazy hey?!). It's a medical condition and it is DEBILITATING. It shatters you mentally. They think it's just a headache, and you are being weak and whiny for missing work etc. I cannot get up off the floor from pain. I cannot remember much of my weekend, as it all melded into eachother- where one day started and the other ended, I do not know.

I was thinking about other conditions that I find are stigmatising. Eating disorders; once people know or hear from your past they will ALWAYS look at you differently, and through that filter. It is one of those things that drive me beyond crazy.

If there are any migraine sufferers out there- my sincere empathy is with you. It is not an easy thing. If you know of anyone that truly suffers from migraines, please give them your understanding, love and support. It makes all the difference.

Sorry about the long post, but it feels good to get it out. BTW I saw my dad Monday and had to FAKE being ok around him, because he is SO critical and judgemental. I had to try to carry out a conversations, act energetic and happy, and go for a walk. I loaded up on the migraine pills, and towards the end I had to get him to drop me @ a drug store. I didn't want him to wait and drive me to my place, so I spent 2hrs in London Drugs trying to get the courage to leave and walk home outside in the BRIGHT sun.
Love you all, thank you for your constant support, love and understanding. The encouragement some of you have given me has literally and truly gotten me through hard times. Any little comment makes such a difference, as you feel like someone knows you are alive.
Thank you!
XOXOXO
B