Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tuesday Terror??

So, I totally ended up having a veggie stress binge last night. 1325grams of Romaine. I kept adding it to my salad every time the bowl got about 1/3 empty. I also ate the entire tub of Wholly Salsa Mild. So good. At midnight I had 2 bell peppers, mushrooms, radishes etc.

I am currently debating whether I should go to the gym, or take a day? Anxiety sucks. I need energy for work (especially since it's my first day back) and don't want to be dragging or anxious. If I don't go, I will hate myself most likely, feel like a failure, be antsy, but not as anxious. I am so afraid and lazy right now, that I am thinking 'Don't Go'.... ARGH.

Ok. I'm taking a day off. I hate my fear! I hate that I let it run my life! I am eating a 454g bag of Fresh Express Coleslaw right now. The first serving I made sweet/sour with Walden Farms thick blueberry syrup, lemon juice, and crystal light. YUMMY.

Here is breakfast part 2:

I ended up slicing the rest of the full bag of radishes up too. In the mix- 454g bag of Fresh Express 3 Colored Coleslaw, 2 cans of wax beans, 1 HUGE beefsteak tomato, 454g bag of radishes and seasoning.

I am so anxious right now! Almost contemplating taking an Ativan, but am afraid of how it'll end up. I'm sure I'll be fine??? Wish me luck!

I was so nervous at work that I ate an entire 280gram tub of Genesis Today's 4Fiber. 20 servings. Each serving is approx 55-60 cal... do the math. I also had protein chews, got home and ate... have a pounding headache. Dinner was huge. I am afraid of 'running' out of food, or having to deal with something because I had an entire 908gram 11 serving bag of Romaine, a 454g bag of coleslaw mix, 2 bell peppers, a tomato, tuna, 3 cans of waxed beans, green onion, 24 seaweed nori sheets, a 340g tub of salsa, jello etc (this was dinner alone). My head has been pounding since this afternoon, and I have already taken 3 extra strength Advil. I am agitated and ashamed, scared.... I don't know what is going on with me!

1 comment:

  1. anxiety does suck big time, try taking some calming deep breathes lovie, its ok, dont worry about the "veggie stress binge" i know how hard it must be to struggle with all of this, and the constant need and thoughts of going to workout. hang in there! i believe in you!
    hope the ativan helped! it always helped me in IP when in times of anxiousness over a meal or food


    p.s. ohh about my dad, yes we havent gotten anymore 'bonding time' since last saturday, but ive been speaking to him on the phone more :) thanks for asking!